The only thing that hurts more than a goodbye is not getting one

...Thanks

Really Dade...you're the best.
Jerk.
I guess I didn't deserve a good-bye? A lie works just as well I guess right?

It's been months since our break-up. And yet I still think about him. I thought that I still had feeling for him...however the more I thought about the more I realized yeah I do...just not in the "I want to be with you" sort of way.
It's more of an I wish I got a good bye.

I really valued the friendship he and I had... I knew it was a mistake to go out with him... I really did. But he asked me out several times so silly me I thought he wouldn't hurt me...I wasn't in love but I think that if we stayed together a little longer I may have started to fall in love with him. But no the relationship really wasn't a relationship at all.

Silly me.


ugh I hate how theses blog posts make me sound!!!!!! I'm not like this in real life...I'm always happy...like reading this you would think that I wear black all the time never smile at all...but that really isn't the case!

I'm always smiling. Everything that I own is like from pinkice.com or forever21... ugh so crazy the things that come out when you're writing.

Looking at me you would never think that I dropped out of high school, you would never think I smoked...you would never think I was unhappy.

Why is society so infatuated with a silly peice of paper called a diploma? There has been ten nobel prize winners, 8 U.S. presidents and countless best-selling authors that droped out of high school. Although, now it has become more nessasary then ever to obtain a high school diploma and then to get a degree in one thing or the other.

Now, I know that I'm not the best representative (not that I would even consider myself) a brilliant high school drop out, but there are many people that could succeed and do so much good, if (exuse me) "The Man" (lol) would only give them the time of day, but since they lack a formal education they are automatically dismissed (not all.)
But cah

Just Friends =[

DADE! Let's talk about Dade....everyone I am so confused, I no longer know if he likes me or if I'm just a Buddy...I mean I really thought that he did like me, as more then just a friend...or maybe I could be reading way to much in to things...But, he did ask me to be this girlfriend a few times, I swear the way he looks at me sometimes...really makes me think that he is in to me. You know when you are just looking though your friends' myspace cause your board....well I was just looking at his and I saw a few comments from his ex girlfriend...calling him "Baby" and saying things like, "I love you". I looked at his staus and it still said "single" I never get jealous so this is pretty freaky to me. My god, how could I let myself get this way over a guy?

...Maybe I don't like him? Maybe I only thought that I did cause I thought he liked me? If that's that case well then...thank GOD. I will be able to get over it as soon as he starts going out with that girl....You know what? I want him to go out with her. I don't want to have feelings for him...I want him to be happy...and I want to forget that I ever felt like his and we can go back to just being friends. And I will just be his buddy and I will be happy with just that!

I am not going to feel this way anymore...I am not going to feel for him...I am not going to want him...I am not going to care for him as anything more then just a friend....For now on he will only be my buddy...and I will just want to be friends...I can do this....I'm not the type of girl who get this way...I will just want to be friends.
Friends
That's it
Nothing more
YUP
No feelings for him WHAT so ever
Well
The end
Heh

Just some thoughts

Now before I get started, I think that I should tell you my point of view of religion, my opinion is that any religion is a cult...no one needs to share my ideas, but that is what I believe. Last night my dog kept my up most of the night crying due to the thunder, so it left me time to think. I hope there was a Jesus, he was a pretty cool dude in my book, he was like the original hippi. He spoke of peace and love, he saved Mary Magdalen from being stoned. He said "Let he without sin cast the first stone" So my queston to you is why are catholics so unlike Jesus. They are so selfish as well all they care about is getting in to the "kingdom" and they will do so by any means necessary. They would kill for it, Abraham was willing to do just that(it was to prove his love to god), he was going to do the evil task that god had ask him to do, when dun da dadaaaaa

"the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” And he said, “Here am I.” He said, “Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.”"

That is one sick joke...what the fuck, man? I mean what if he forgot to tell Abraham not to? If god was real I would say that he was one sick asshole and no wonder Satin hates him.

Let's now talk about about the Catholic church and gays. I am 100% straight, but I think that the gays are the best people ever lol, I think they are fun and the last people to judge anyone. Now, the bible says that god created us all in a vison of himself...does this mean that god is bi?
And even if he isn't, GOD was the one that created US. So if being gay is wrong (which it isn't) then why should one be punished for god's error?


I think that those who live their life in black and white with shallow hearts and minds who have never tasted all the flavors that life has to give should be the first to be damned. Tolerance is one thing, expedience is on a whole other level. And I believe that those with open minds truly have the biggest hearts.

Don't judge
Just love

We are all members of the human race, don't turn your back on your own kind.

Peace nd love

How do you trust someone with a past?

We all have pasts...but as deceitful as his...He has never done anything to me to break my trust but....ugh Let me start from the beginning.

I have this guy friend....lets call him Dade.
Well you see Dade and I have been friends for a long time...and he has told me a lot...Like the fact that he has cheated on every girlfriend he has ever had, and has told girls that he loved them when he didn't. Now we have had a thing for a while...but we are not in a relationship, we have gone out(a few weeks ago) on a "date" once before....(yes we have hung out alot since then)

He has asked me to be his girlfriend a while back like in October...but I turned him down cause I had a friend that had feelings for him...but I have not spoken with her in along time now...since I droped out of school in Nov...I don't talk to any of my old school friends cause I really don't want to.
Now there is nothing holding me back (other then the fact that he hasnt ask me to be his girl since heh)
But what if he does? What if I say yes? What if he cheats and lies? What if I let him in to my closed heart? What if I let him in and he brakes it? But what if he wouldn't? What if I say no? What if I miss the chance to be with him? What if he really would have been faithful?
The thing is I really can't see him being a cheater...at lest not anymore. He is such a great guy...I have spoken with on of his friend...cause he was nice and gave me a ride home and he was saying how he is one guy you can really trust! That he is the type of guy that has your back not matter what? (No, I didn't tell his friends how I feel about Dade)
My god...I really do think I could let him in....but if I do? I'm really kind of scared of what he could do.
I have never been one to judge someone or hold them to what they have done...only for what they do. But what if I do let him in...and he hurts me?

Sell Outs

Where did all the good music go? Why are people so dim as in to think that everything that they see on mtv or fuse or vh1 is great just cause they have a music video out? I mean what the hell man. People are such suckers. And almost everything nowa days sound just the same...not just the meaning of the lyric but the backround music as well. It all sounds the same....don't we get bord? And the sad thing is people vote for this bullshit....my goodnesss

Who am I? What is love? Why are we all here?

When ever I look in the mirror, I can't help but to ask; "Who am I?" "Why am I here?" Do we all have a purpose in life, or is that something someone made up to explain our existence.

What is that love thing? Is it something we our minds create. People say "You can't help who fall in love with" but what if you can, what if you do in fact pick Or is the soul mate thing real, are we predestined to met someone who completes us? But what if you don't met that other person? Does that mean you never get completed? If that's true than I'm screwed, I have this friend who told me that I'm never going to fall in love because I have a wall build up around me. So does that mean that I will never get the feeling of being whole? Can't I just complete myself. Shouldn't you be able to compete yourself and finding love just be a chary on top?

Is there a God? I know I lost all my faith in him. But if there is a God. Why did he put us all here? Are we just some experiment? Does he in fact love us like the church says? If so than why does he let us lead such fucked up lives? Where is he? And why won't he help?

Why am I here? What is my purpose? To be frank I really don't have much to offer the world. What is my purpose? How do I know what it is? And how do I know if I'm fulfilling it? Or do I not even have a purpose at all?